What is Mindfulness? Answers to the Most Common Questions
Mindfulness is a big buzz word these days, but have you ever found yourself feeling curious about what it really is?
Below are answers to some of the most common questions I hear as a mindfulness coach. Whether you’re looking to deepen your understanding, explore the benefits of mindfulness for personal growth, or you want to learn how to practice mindfulness in daily life, I hope this resource supports your journey.
What is Mindfulness?
If you’re wondering what mindfulness really means, simply put, it’s a way of thinking. Mindfulness is a neutral, nonjudgmental, objective awareness of the present moment. This includes all aspects of your experience, including your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and sensory experience of everything happening in your environment.
With a mindfulness perspective, you notice, acknowledge, and stay objectively aware of all that’s present in this moment, even when that may be uncomfortable or painful. When observing your present moment in this way, a mindfulness mindset gives you the opportunity to shift into a state of acceptance with things outside of your control, rather than resisting or fighting against the reality of the situation.
Further, each and every time you bring your mind back to the present in a neutral way, you’ll have the opportunity to learn more about yourself, and then use that learning to behave in more intentional ways that best serve you. This offers you the space to truly live in each moment as it happens.
What are the Common Misconceptions About Mindfulness?
Mindfulness gets talked about a lot, but it’s not always fully understood. Below are a few of the most common misconceptions I’ve come across as a mindfulness coach.
Mindfulness means being passive, indifferent, or complacent
People often wonder, “if I accept this moment as it is, does that mean I’m just tolerating what I shouldn’t?” Or ask things like, “does this mean I’m just supposed to be okay with things that bother me?”
Not at all.
Mindfulness isn’t the same thing as apathy, and it doesn’t mean you should ignore challenges or difficulties in life, or things outside of your control that bother you. It’s actually the opposite. Mindfulness is an active mental process where you remain present with your experience instead of avoiding it.
We’re often conditioned to push away discomfort, jump into problem solving mode, or escape/distract ourselves when life gets tough or we’re in pain. Mindfulness means slowing down to notice your thoughts, emotions, and reactions as they’re happening so you can respond in a way that actually serves you.
It’s not about being okay with everything. It’s about being honest with yourself about what’s happening in the moment. This can ultimately help you become more thoughtful and intentional with how you respond to life’s challenges.
Mindfulness means clearing your mind or stopping your thoughts
This is one of the hardest misconceptions to navigate, especially when people first start using mindfulness. It’s common for people to feel like they’re “doing it wrong” if their mind wanders outside of the present moment.
As much as we may want to stop intrusive thoughts, ruminating on things outside of our control, worries about the future, or beliefs that cause us shame, we can’t actually stop our mind from thinking… it’s designed to think!
One of my favorite things about the brain is that we have the power to not only think, but to think about what we’re thinking about (a process called metacognition). This means we can observe automatic thoughts intentionally, recognize them as thoughts without finding meaning in them, and let them come and go like clouds passing over us in the sky. We don’t have to be up in the sky to know the clouds are there, just like we don’t have to engage with all of our thoughts to notice they came up in our mind.
So, mindfulness isn’t about getting rid of thoughts that aren’t rooted in the present; it’s about noticing what’s happening in your mind without getting lost in it.
Mindfulness can lead to toxic positivity
When misunderstood, mindfulness can sometimes be seen as pressure to stay calm, grateful, detached, or easygoing. However, that’s actually just bypassing the moment, not being present with it.
Mindfulness is meeting the moment as it is; not how you want it to be, or wish it could be. Mindfulness is not about forcing yourself to accept what bothers you or pretend everything is ok when it’s really not. If you’re grieving, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, mindfulness practice makes space for all of that. It gives you permission to experience emotional depth, even when it’s painful.
Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is an avoidance of truth in favor of comfort. Toxic positivity stems from a belief that feelings are either “good” or “bad,” “positive” or “negative,” whereas mindfulness identifies all feelings as the language of the body, without judgment.
What’s the Difference Between Mindfulness and Meditation?
Mindfulness and meditation are closely related, and sometimes mistakenly used interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing. Mindfulness is a mindset: a nonjudgmental awareness of the present moment. Since it doesn’t always come naturally, there are many ways to practice strengthening that mindset, one of which is through meditation. Meditation is the act of focusing on something intentionally.
You can meditate mindfully by focusing on your breath, body sensations, or thoughts as they come and go. But meditation practice isn’t always mindful. For example, you could meditate to visualize a future goal, make a decision, rehearse a conversation, or reflect on a memory. Those forms of meditation still involve focus, but they aren’t grounded in nonjudgmental awareness of the present moment.
Think of mindfulness as a muscle, and meditation as one way to strengthen it. Just like in physical fitness, there are many types of exercises that can be used to strengthen the same muscle. So, while meditation can support a mindfulness practice, it’s not the only exercise that helps. For more information on meditation, check out my Meditation eBook.
Is it Normal to Have a Hard Time Staying Focused on the Present?
Yes, absolutely! In fact, our brains are actually wired to automatically and regularly use our learning and past experiences to inform our belief systems and predictions of the future. Being fully present without judgment is not a mindset that comes naturally, so I encourage you to be patient with yourself as you practice.
When it comes to thinking traps we often fall into (like ruminating on the past or trying to prepare for a worst case scenario), mindfulness is not actually about stopping those thoughts. It’s about becoming aware of what your mind is doing automatically. You can then gently bring your attention back to the present moment without judgment. Just like learning to tie your shoes, the more you do this, the easier it becomes.
Does Mindfulness Get Rid of Uncomfortable Emotions?
The purpose of practicing mindfulness isn’t to get rid of, change, or “fix” uncomfortable feelings; it’s to observe them with gentle curiosity and active acceptance. By active acceptance, I mean recognizing an emotion is coming up and accepting that it’s an experience you’re having. You can’t change the fact that it came up, but you can offer your feelings mindful presence and then intentionally decide how you want to respond to them.
Something to keep in mind as you practice this, is that the body naturally knows how to self-regulate emotions without putting any thought into it. This process usually happens within about 90 seconds to 20 minutes. When we resist or try to get rid of emotions, it usually will prolong and intensify the emotional experience. Even though it may not feel intuitive at first, allowing your feelings (especially the uncomfortable ones) to be part of your present experience without judgment is actually much less uncomfortable than resisting or avoiding them.
When experiencing emotions, like stress or anxiety, mindfulness can help break the cycle of worrying about what might happen in the future. Many people find that practicing mindfulness in response to emotional discomfort helps them better regulate those emotions because it cuts down on the intensity that’s caused by resistance. This can ultimately lead to more intentional behavior and decision making instead of reacting impulsively.
Can Mindfulness Help Me Achieve Future Goals?
Even though mindfulness isn’t about achieving specific outcomes, it can still support you in achieving your goals. Since we can only live in one moment at a time, slowing down to immerse yourself in the present can help you act in alignment with the values, hopes, and dreams that drive your goals.
Mindfulness can also deepen self-awareness of automatic thoughts and reactions. You can then use that awareness to make more thoughtful, intentional choices. And, the more you do that, the more your goals will start to feel like present choices, as opposed to distant fantasies.
What are the Benefits of Mindfulness for Personal Growth?
Using a mindfulness mindset can be one of the most effective ways of building a greater level of self-awareness, which is one of the most important first steps you can take to grow and change in the ways you want to. Since mindfulness shifts your focus away from trying to control things you can’t, it can also help you cultivate a deeper sense empowerment to take ownership over the things in your life you have the power to change.
Thousands of studies have explored the benefits of mindfulness for personal growth. When practiced regularly, mindfulness can improve both physical and mental health (National Library of Medicine), including but not limited to:
- Sleep quality
- Immune system function
- Stress management and emotional regulation
- Brain, heart, and gut health
- Improved focus, decision making, and clarity of thought (including reduced brain fog)
- Improved confidence and feelings of empowerment
- More intentional communication and self-expression in relationships and interactions with others
- Increased self-control and self-regulation
How Can Mindfulness Improve Self-Awareness?
Most of our thinking and the belief systems that drive our reactions or unhelpful habits tend to be automatic (for more information on why that’s the case, check out my free resource on why change can feel so hard). When we’re stuck in autopilot, we’re often not actively exploring whether our thinking or behavior is serving us.
Mindfulness allows you to observe your inner experiences (thoughts, beliefs, emotions, urges, defenses, etc) as they happen. Over time, you can use these observations to develop a deeper understanding of what drives your emotional triggers, automatic reactions, behavioral patterns, and unhelpful thinking or limiting beliefs. The more you’re able to stay present with those areas, the more deeply you can come to know yourself.
Can Children Practice Mindfulness?
Yes, absolutely! Depending on a child’s age, developmental level, and attention span, it may look a little different than how an adult may practice; however, most children have the ability to begin learning mindfulness skills as young as about 3 years old.
Practicing mindfulness while the brain is still developing can actually lead to a greater capacity for emotional intelligence, self-control, focus, confidence, self-trust, and resilience as they get older.
How to Practice Mindfulness in Daily Life?
There are many ways of connecting to a mindfulness mindset, so it’s important to keep in mind there’s actually no one “right” way. You can practice bringing your attention to the present moment objectively and non-judgmentally anywhere, at any time, and in any situation. In fact, even if it feels hard at first, the more often you practice, the easier and more natural it will start to feel.
Here are a few quick ways to practice mindfulness in daily life, even if you have a hectic schedule:
- When experiencing uncomfortable emotions, practice repeating phrases to yourself like, “it’s ok/safe to feel my feelings,” “all of my feelings belong here,” or “all of my feelings are welcome here.”
- Periodically throughout your day, practice focusing on your breath. Notice your body breathing, the sensations you experience with each breath, and just follow the air with your attention as it moves in and out of your body without changing it in any way.
- To practice mindfulness of your thinking, notice what your mind is saying and respond with, “that’s a thought I’m having,” without fighting against it, or engaging with it. You can also try saying a thought again, start with the phrase “I’m having the thought that…” For example, if your thought was, “I’m not good enough,” say it again with “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.” Observe any differences in your emotional experience as you practice. For more support with this, check out my Leaves on a Stream Meditation.
- Practice noticing what’s happening in your sensory experience of the present moment. Objectively point out what each of your 5 senses are experiencing without finding meaning. For example, “I see my bed, I hear a car going by, I feel my clothes on my body, I smell the scent of a candle, I taste the sip of water I just took.” Notice when your mind wanders to find meaning, like “my bed is for sleeping, that car is like one my ex used to have, what if someone doesn’t like the way I dress, this candle smells nice, or this water is quenching my thirst.” When you notice your mind wandering to any meaning or judgment about your sensory experience, gently bring your mind back to the objective facts you’re experiencing. For more support with this, try my free meditation to mindfully connect to your senses.
For more specific practices and how to overcome obstacles that can get in the way of consistent practice, check out my Mindfulness eBook.
Ready to Live a More Mindful Life?
Let’s talk more about how I can support you with integrating mindfulness into your day, even with a busy schedule.